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Our intrepid Bunsen is currently MIA so you’ll have to wait for your hit of Frisco Friday. We’re going old school and doing another Hipster Friday. It’s Labor Day weekend and the entire nation is having end of summer parties. Hipsters are no different, though the end of summer is more poignant for them. It represents the end of frolicking in the park doing nothing, bbq’s and jorts. It’s also a sad reminder their childhood is over and there’s no going back to school for them; the end of summer is no longer the end of carefree days like it once was, but a stark reminder of their adulthood and adult responsibilities that they ignore. Anyway, this is how you throw a Hipster Labor Day Party.

1) BBQ, Duh

I’m pretty sure you get your citizenship taken away if you don’t BBQ or at least picnic on Labor Day. Obviously you have to bbq like a hipster. Make sure to stock up on PBR, end of summer tunes (we recommend Best Coast and the Wavves).

2) Celebrate Labor History

This can actually go two ways. Most hipsters are not actually smart or knowledgeable, but like to think they are so they won’t actually connect Labor Day with celebrating the labor movement. The ones who are smart or knowledgeable are probably smug assholes about celebrating the labor movement. Placate both and make sure to drink only union- made beer. Fortunately PBR is Union made so you’re in the clear.

3) Dress Code

Everyone has to be in jorts or a sundress, gender doesn’t matter. This isn’t negotiable.

The Edukatorz read the Internet daily (and not just TGRIOnline and Twitter), so we come upon a lot of crap, including this Wall Street Journal blogpost about living cheaply in a new city.* It’s clearly written by a marketing zombie and anyone with half a brain cell pretty much knows the ‘advice’ they’ve spewing off. With Fall approaching it seems like many are off moving to new cities so it seems appropriate to give some tips living cheaply in a new town or any town really.

1) Find a Neighborhood Bar

We realize not drinking is simply out of the question so we humbly suggest finding a neighborhood watering hole. Not only is it a great way to meet new people and make friends, but if you befriend the bartender a lot of those drinks are going to slide off the bill. Bonus points if you can find a neighborhood bar with wi-fi so you don’t have to pay for the Internet either.

2) Use the Interwebs**

Well use the Internet for more than just Twitter/FB, pr0n, Edukatorz and GChat. While hanging out at the neighborhood bar is awesome, you can’t do it all the time (well you can…) so you’ll have to figure out other things to do. If you don’t want to be antisocial in your off time we recommend finding a few local blogs that advertise events and read them. In any big city (and some smaller ones) there are bound to be at least a few free or inexpensive events.

3) Don’t be Boring

Look, you don’t have to spend money to have a good time or at least very little of it. Boring people are bored and bored people spend a lot of money on crap. Find a hobby or volunteer. At the very least go to the library and check out some books so you’ll be interesting. If you’re really strapped for cash you can still go to DJ nights and shows with small covers, just go sober that night or drink at home/your neighborhood watering hole. Whatever it is you’re in to, there’s a chance it can be done inexpensively, just figure out what it is you dig.

4) Eat Well

Eating out all the time is a huge drain on the old budget so we recommend finding Farmers Markets and small ethnic grocery stores to buy your food from. Not only do they have a better selection than crappy grocery stores and corner stores, but they’re often cheaper if you shop smart. If you make friends with a Farmer they’ll often throw in an extra tomato here and there. You can even finagle you’re way into a job at the Farmers Market and get paid while getting discount produce.

* We generally hate all MSM ‘advice’ and culture stories we read, but we just can’t quit them.
** While this is similar to #5 on their list, our point is to not be lame about it.

Miss us? Don’t worry everyone, we’re back in business and ready to post regularly.

Dear Edukatorz,

My favorite blog hasn’t been updated in over a week and it’s totally killing my buzz. I would look forward to reading it every day. You could even say it was a bright spot in my dull dreary existince. Now I’m stuck with the rest of the Internet and it’s just not the same. How do I get them to start updating the blog again or do I just move on?

Sincerely,

Sad Sally

Dear Sad Sally,

A week is like a century in Internet time, that totally sucks that you’re favorite blog isn’t being updated. Have you tried emailing the proprietors of the blog to see what’s up or leaving some blog comments? Blog operators like to feel loved and maybe they just weren’t feeling it lately. That or they just got lazy and you need to remind them to get off their keister and start posting again.

If they don’t respond to your advances and don’t start posting again sometimes it’s time to just move on. Put the blog in your Google Reader in case there are signs of life, but otherwise you might have to find a new blog. Or since your life doesn’t seem that great to begin with you could start your own blog and bring happiness to others.

- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

*We accidentally put ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’. This is what happens when we’re rusty. You may commence flogging us.

We decided to bring Hipster Friday back to you as a little treat while Beaker is off missing again. Alas, if you have hipster music sensibilities and enjoy live music you’re probably going to end up at a show with hipsters. Fear not, it’s actually not that bad and we like to think that hipsters somehow add to the experience.

1) B.O.

Hipsters have notoriously bad hygiene, expect a lot of body odor when you’re at a show. Note: It is considered impolite to offer deodorant.

2) Long Line For the Bathroom

Hipsters love their illegal substances, especially cocaine. Expect a long line for the bathroom while some hipsters do coke in the bathroom stall with their friends. Also, don’t be surprised if someone tries to sell you drugs while you’re in the bathroom.

3) Bartenders

Hipsters are poor because they don’t have real jobs or “creatives” hence they are poor tippers.* You can use this to your advantage to get excellent service all night. Simply don’t be a dick and tip your bartender well** and you will be handsomely rewarded with excellent service and the PBR and whiskey shall flow like water for you.

4) Judginess

You’re going to be judged no matter what since you’re not a hipster. Get over it and enjoy the show.

*Oddly this is even MORE the case with trustfunders – they’re the cheapest.
**You should be doing this anyway.

We took a mini summer vacation, did you miss us? (Just lie and say you did). Coming back from vacation can be tough. It’s easy to stay in vacation mode and get overwhelmed by everything when you come back. Fortunately there are a few things you can do to get back to business after vacation.

Take Care of Things Before You Leave

This is much easier said than done.* Why bother going on a vacation if you’re going to be super stressed beforehand? But you don’t want to come back to a huge mess either. Prior planning makes coming back from vacation a gazillion times easier.

At work make sure all your bases are covered. Make a list of on going projects and make sure you have a coworker to cover them for you.** Also clean your desk/work area – you don’t want to come back to a mess, it’ll just stress you out.

At home try to make your house/apartment/room as clean as possible (or as it’s going to get) so you don’t come home to a disaster zone. If you have pets and aren’t taking them with you make sure you have arrangements for their care. Same goes for plants or anything else that needs to be taken care of. Make sure everything’s turned of before you leave, you don’t want to stress out thinking about how high your electricity bill is going to be or if you left the oven on.

Ease Back Into a Routine

Mentally shifting from vacation mode to life mode is easy if you took care of things before your vacation. But if you didn’t take care of things or were rushed it can be a bit jolting to have to go back to reality after vacation. There’s no point in going on vacation if you’re going to be more stressed out when you get back then when you left. Don’t try to do everything at once, ease back into a ‘normal’ mentality instead of forcing yourself back into it. Take a few hours at work (if you can) to catch up with what you missed when you were out of the office then begin to tackle projects. At home don’t try to do all the cleaning at once, instead do it piecemeal, etc.

*Like arranging guest bloggers or writing posts ahead of time. Oops.
**Make sure to bring something back/get a small gift for your awesome coworker who was nice enough to cover for you.

It’s August so we’ve been a little lazy and slow to post. We’ll be back up an running our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow on Thursday.

In terms of club geography, the DJ booth is second in importance only to the bar. It’s separated from the dancefloor for a reason: there is work going on here. Sadly, the sanctity of the booth is abused by both DJs and partygoers all too often. So, in consultation with a couple of working DJs, we present to you a few pointers on DJ booth etiquette.

A) For the DJs

Any working DJ knows that they need space to work. There needs to be a place to put your drink, your stuff needs to be secure, and you need to be able to mix. However much they bitch about it, though, most DJs are just as disrespectful of the booth setup as the guy who was on before them. Don’t leave your shit all over the place – you know it pisses you off, so why are you leaving four empty glasses there? Also, don’t take other people’s stuff. If the slipmats belong to the club, leave them there. Random cables lying around? Someone might have left them there last night. We all get too drunk to put our equipment away properly sometimes – wouldn’t you appreciate it if someone gave the club whatever you’d left behind? Common courtesy, people.

B) For the guests

1. THE DJ IS PLAYING MUSIC SO PEOPLE CAN GET DOWN.

If you’re standing around in the DJ booth, you are not getting down. Sometimes it is acceptable to chill in the booth all night: when the DJ is your only friend at the party and you specifically came to the party to keep him/her company. Otherwise, the booth is a separate area for a reason – like we mentioned in the first paragraph, it’s a space to work. And seriously, people, you do not look cool because you’re awkwardly standing around trainspotting. You look much cooler if you say hey to the DJ then get the fuck onto the floor and bust some moves.

2. Doing drugs in the DJ booth is a time-honored club tradition. The DJ is not going to mind if you abuse their space in order to consume drugs… just make sure you offer the DJ the first line/hit. It’s a respect thing; you’re saying “thanks for letting me use your space and for the music you’re playing.”

3. Request blocking is a duty if you are hanging out in the booth. The DJ is working, and you’re sort of in the way even if you’re invited. So, pitch in for the sake of the party and stop drunk Becky when she tries to request Journey for the third time.

4. Don’t fuck up the equipment. There are cords and buttons and computers and all that back in the booth – you don’t want to be that asshole who trips over the cables and kills the music. Be careful.

5. Grinding on the DJ is permitted and, usually, encouraged.

Over the last decade or so, pale ales have boomed in the US. American brewers reinvented the style for American palates and American hops, creating their own beer distinct from its English ancestor. During the same time period (perhaps even as a reaction to the over-the-top hoppiness of American Pale Ale), wheat beers have seen increasing popularity in the states. Unlike their treatment of pale ales, American brewers have tended to stick more closely to tradition with wheat beers, and many are making very good versions of these German and Belgian beer styles. These days, hefeweizens and “white beers” are available in bars across the US.

Wittbier/Weissbier

Wittbier (Belgian), weissbier (German), or “white beer” is an unfiltered ale made predominately with wheat. It gets its name, obviously, from its color; because it’s unfiltered, wittbier has a light, cloudy appearance. If you order a bottle, you’ll often see bartenders swirling it around as they pour it to distribute the sediment more evenly.

In Germany, the brewing process of Berliner Weissbier is strictly regulated (think bourbon laws in the US), and must be top-fermented with 50% wheat. These have a lot of head when poured, but it dissipates quickly. The Belgian wittbiers are similar, but less regulated. These are traditionally unmalted and heavily spiced, particularly with coriander or orange peel.

You’ve probably tried Hoegaarden and Blue Moon, but there’s a lot more to this category. Look for the interesting Japanese version, Hitachino Nest White Ale (don’t serve this ice cold, though, you’ll lose a lot of the flavor), Ommegang’s Witte, Allagash White, and the organic Mothership Wit to get an idea of the range available.

Hefeweizen and Dunkelweizen

These are two relatively close German styles of wheat beer. Dunkelweizen means “dark wheat” and hefeweizen “yeast wheat.” Both are unfiltered with strong fruit notes and a cloudy golden color. If it’s filtered, it’s called a kristallweissbier.

We recommend Ayinger Brau Weisse and Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier. You should also try the widely available Widmer Bros. Hefeweizen.

Weizenbock

Weizenbock is basically a dunkelweizen with more alcohol. Brewing a weizen beer in the bock style gives the beer more spiciness and darker fruit notes. Victory make a good version called Moonglow. Also try Schneider Aventinus if you can find it and the Ayinger Weizenbock.

Lambics

Yes, lambics are a wheat beer. If you’re unfamiliar, they’re a Belgian style of super-sour beers that often have fruits added after fermentation. Because they’re so unique, however, we’ll dedicate a separate post to lambics.

The Fruit Question

Adding a citrus wedge – either orange or lemon – is a purely American trend. Some people find it tasty, but a lot of people see it as an insult to the beer. The Edukatorz don’t really care either way, so go ahead and add fruit it  you want. But be aware that you might be offending some Europeans.

Ah, the great outdoors – you get fresh air, peace and quiet and solitude. It’s a great place to unplug and relax. While camping is a great way to enjoy the outdoors it can also be idyllic for making out. We don’t recommend finding a make out partner while camping (unless it’s at a campground). There are a few ground rules to follow.

1) Make a Campfire

A nighttime campfire is romantic. If there’s not a drought warning (listen to Smokey – forrest fires are unromantic) make a contained campfire to snuggle up next to your make out partner. Bonus points if you make s’mores; negative points if you tell ghost stories.*

2) Check Your Sleeping Bag

You don’t need any new friends from nature joining you on your make out. Check your bag before slipping in with your partner to make sure no bugs or other critters have decided to join you.

3) Secure Your Tent

Again, you don’t need new friends, i.e. critters, joining you. Make sure the tent is secure. You also want to make sure the tent is soundly put up – a fallen tent is a total boxdryer.

4) Keep it Down

Just because you’re out in the woods doesn’t mean you should make a ton of noise. You don’t want to attract animals, park rangers, fellow campers or serial killers.

* We love ghost stories, but they totally take us out of the mood while camping. All we can think about then is how the amorous couple is always getting killed off in horror movies.

Dear Edukatorz,

The other day I managed to get two numbers off of two very attractive ladies. I definitely want to get to know both of these women, but I don’t want anything serious right now. How do I go about casually dating them?

Sincerely,

Latin Lothario

Dear L.L.,

Two numbers in one day, well done!* The key to casual dating is to not let it get to serious. Don’t ask any of these lovely ladies out on a date and certainly don’t take them on a “real” date (nice dinner, drinks, etc.). Instead get to know them via the wonders of the Internet. Start hitting them up on GChat, become their Facebook friend and start following them on Twitter (in that order, but not all at once…you don’t want to come off as creepy). Since this is casual you want to ease into getting to know them.

After talking to these ladies you may find yourself liking them so ask them out, but on a casual date. If you have any mutual friends see if she wants to go out with you guys to a local bar one night.  If you’re both total comic book nerds see if she wants to see Scott Pilgrim vs the World. If you’re both foodies ask her if she wants to check out this bar menu special you heard about at an awesome restaurant. You get the idea. The key is to make it a casual, no dressing up and no rearranging your schedule for her. Spontaneity in this instance is totally encouraged. It’s a game time decision for you if you want to pay for the date. If she seems like a keeper go for it, if not go Dutch – you still have the option of being friends.

Be careful of how you phrase things and what you invite them too, you don’t want to lead them on.  Make sure to ask her to “hang out” with you, not “go out” with you. You may want to seriously date or befriend one of these ladies in the future so there’s no need to poison things now. Simply keep your speech noncommittal.**

If When things get physical this is where you must choose (or violate the sacrosanct Maury Povich Rule) If you just get a kiss from a few different girls, whatever, totally not a big deal. It’s when you start getting past second and third base that you have to pump the brakes a little and ask yourself if you really dig this person. If you don’t, ease off a little and keep it casual, if not then you got to decide if things are going to get serious or not and you have to choose one of the ladies (unless you’re a douche).

- The Edukatorz

* Looks like someone has been taking to heart our lessons on game.
** Ladies who complain about this in dudes clearly can’t take a hint. If you’re not sure if it’s a date, it’s not a date.