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Our intrepid Bunsen is currently MIA so you’ll have to wait for your hit of Frisco Friday. We’re going old school and doing another Hipster Friday. It’s Labor Day weekend and the entire nation is having end of summer parties. Hipsters are no different, though the end of summer is more poignant for them. It represents the end of frolicking in the park doing nothing, bbq’s and jorts. It’s also a sad reminder their childhood is over and there’s no going back to school for them; the end of summer is no longer the end of carefree days like it once was, but a stark reminder of their adulthood and adult responsibilities that they ignore. Anyway, this is how you throw a Hipster Labor Day Party.

1) BBQ, Duh

I’m pretty sure you get your citizenship taken away if you don’t BBQ or at least picnic on Labor Day. Obviously you have to bbq like a hipster. Make sure to stock up on PBR, end of summer tunes (we recommend Best Coast and the Wavves).

2) Celebrate Labor History

This can actually go two ways. Most hipsters are not actually smart or knowledgeable, but like to think they are so they won’t actually connect Labor Day with celebrating the labor movement. The ones who are smart or knowledgeable are probably smug assholes about celebrating the labor movement. Placate both and make sure to drink only union- made beer. Fortunately PBR is Union made so you’re in the clear.

3) Dress Code

Everyone has to be in jorts or a sundress, gender doesn’t matter. This isn’t negotiable.

NOM NOM NOM

Fourth of July weekend is coming up and that means grilling. (Though any weekend/day that ends in y is really an excuse for the Edukatorz to grill). While we appreciate the convenience gas grills offer (as well as their Hank Hill seal of approval), we believe charcoal grilled food just tastes better. Charcoal grills are also easier for those of us without lawns who have to settle for stoop grilling or grilling in the park. We can take our mini Weber anywhere really. But alas, many are confused by the enigma that is charcoal grilling, allow us to clear some things up for you.

Choosing Charcoal

Charcoal is really easy to find. Grocery stores, hardware stores and even convenience stores will have charcoal in the summer.* Charcoal is a matter of preference and different situations dictate different charcoals.

There are two types of charcoal used for cooking – charcoal briquettes and natural hardwood lump charcoal. The only real difference between the two are that charcoal briquettes have extra additives and natural hardwood lump charcoal do not**.

If you’re super lazy or are going to be grilling in a park we recommend using self-starting briquettes or lighter fluid. Some people are not a fan of them since they have petroleum in them to help them light and maintain a fire. We don’t think it’s really an issue if you let the briquettes cook down enough (see below).

For those of you who want to go au natural or want the taste of a particular wood (that’s where charcoal comes from) we recommend using natural hardwood lump charcoal. Though if you’re crunched for time or in a park this is generally more of a pain in the ass.

Putting the Right Amount Charcoal in the Grill

We’d be remiss if we didn’t tell you to put enough charcoal in the grill, but don’t go overboard, you’ll just be wasting charcoal. It really depends on the size of your grill. If you have a big 26 inch grill we recommend around 80 pieces of charcoal (you don’t have to count it). From there we recommend around 60 pieces for a 22 inch grill, 40 pieces for an 18 inch grill and 25 pieces for a 14 inch grill.

Lighting Charcoal

It’s easy to light charcoal when you’re using self-starting briquettes or adding lighter fluid this process is easy. Simply take a long match or long lighter and light the self-starting briquettes at 2-4 different points in the grill. When using lighter fluid, don’t go overboard. A light covering will do, extra lighter fluid just means it’s going to take longer for it to burn off.

If you’re going natural and using hardwood lump charcoal you gotta get a chimney starter. Simply put newspaper in the bottom chamber of the starter and charcoal in the top and light the newspaper with a long match. After about 10 minutes the charcoal should be hot enough to dump in the grill.

Knowing When the Charcoal is Ready to Grill

Just because the charcoal is lit doesn’t mean it’s time to grill. Wait until the charcoal turns gray before cooking anything. This is especially important it you’re using self-starting briquettes or lighter fluid because you want all of the petroleum to cook out. At that point put the grill over the briquettes, wait a few minutes for the grill to heat up and you’re good to go.

A note on temperature. The temperature you’re grilling at clearly depends on what you’re grilling. To know how hot the grill is simply put your hand over the grill (don’t touch anything you idiot): if it’s at a low heat you should be able to hold your hand there for 6 to 7 seconds; if it’s at a medium heat you should be able to hold your hand there for 4 to 5 seconds; and if it’s hot you should be able to hold your hand there for 2-3 seconds.

*We like to stock up on charcoal near the end of summer so we can grill if we want to in the colder months.

**Lump Charcoal also gets hotter so if you want a super hot grill, this is the way to go.

While getting married is a time-honored tradition of Becky and Chad, sometimes hipsters like to do it, too. If you want to get married like a hipster, there are some things you must be very careful about to ensure your wedding doesn’t get mistaken for one of those boring mainstream events.

1. The Dress

Ladies, don’t deny it: at one time or another, every girl has imagined what her ideal wedding dress would look like. Usually it’s a princessy confection that makes the bride look like the cake; this is exactly what one wants to avoid when getting married like a hipster. Instead, vintage designer is the theme of choice. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend who’s an edgy edgy fashionista, ask him or her to make the dress for you as your wedding present.

2. The Ceremony

Hipsters in church is just silly, so that’s out. For a venue, look for a park or maybe even your favorite bar. You’re going to want a non-religious ceremony, and if you have a friend who’s an aspiring actor, convince them to perform the ceremony for you. (They’ll have to apply to be a Justice of the Peace, but the World Unification Church of New Agey Free Love has openings available). Write your own vows, obviously, and collect bonus points by making them as ironic and sarcastic as possible.

3. The Dinner

Having a formal sit-down dinner with name cards and salad forks is way too traditional. Hipsters don’t need that bs! A barbeque is the superior choice (and if you need advice on grilling like a hipster, check this out). If that’s too casual for your taste, try a catered buffet from your favorite vegan or pho restaurant. For the bar, make sure you offer complimentary PBR and Sparks or you might have a hipster riot on your hands.

4. The Cake

Like the dress, you want to avoid pretty and princessy here. Cake topped with a miniature statuette of the couple is a sappy and heavily-used prop in mainstream weddings, making it the antithesis of the hipster wedding. Have you ever seen the Edukatorz-approved show “The Ace of Cakes?” Look for a craft bakery like that, and make the wedding cake unique/relevant to you and your impending spouse’s interests.

5. The Music

This is without doubt the most important part of a hipster wedding. Your first dance should be to a song by the band that was playing at the show when you met. If you’re an indie rock sort of hipster, the groom’s roommate’s band should obviously be playing. If you’re more of the electro sort of hipster, get the coolest/most pretentious local DJ you can who will call you a “very close friend” because you’ve been to his parties for years. Avoid corporate DJs at all costs! Remember, the band v DJ choice doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. All the more fun if they have beef and cause a dramatic scene!

Spring time is here and that means excessive amounts of PDA. While the sunshine encourages amorous feelings you don’t want to go too overboard and start grossing people out, likewise you want to make sure you and your partner are completely comfortable while said making out goes on.

Be wary of children

You don’t want to inadvertently end up on a sex-offender registry, do you? Try not to make out too much if there are a ton of children around. You don’t want to deal with the death stares and/or pangs of jealousy from their parents. Also children are totally a mood killer and will detract from the awesome make out session.

Keep it PG (PG-13 MAX)

You’re in public and we know there’s the temptation to let your exhibitionist streak show, but you don’t want to go too far while in public. Not only do you not want to get arrested, you also don’t want to gross out everyone around you with some heavy petting or worst. Stick to first or second base while in the park and save the home run for later.

Be aware of your surroundings

Making out in a park is awesome, but not all parks are made for making out. For instance parks with playground equipment are not suitable for making out because they attract children. Neither are dog parks, parks where people are trying to play sports and any sort of organized bbq or picnic. Not only are these places box-dryers, but you’re going to make others around you uncomfortable.

Make yourself comfortable

While making others around you comfortable while you engage in some PDA is all well and good, there’s no point in making out in the first place if you’re not comfortable. Benches or blankets are ideal for making out on in the park. If you can’t find a bench and have no blanket try to find a tree you can sit down under and lean against. Barring that, make sure there are no sticks/glass/foreign objects on the grass and go at it.

Now that we’ve taught you how to dress appropriately for a hipster spring, aspiring hipsters will surely be wondering what to do with themselves in this fine weather. While hipsters generally claim to be allergic to sunlight, this is not strictly true. The hipster barbeque is a quintessential springtime activity, just be sure to wear your sunglasses and adopt an appropriate air of lethargy.

Choose the Right Beer

Budweiser, Bud Light, Miller and so on are far too fratty for a hipster. If you actually like beer, microbrews are a must. The more obscure, the better – just make sure you’ve read about them in the NY Times food section and can give a snobby lecture on it. However, the obvious choice for mass consumption is PBR, or the local cheap alternative (Natty Boh in Baltimore, Iron City in Pittsburgh, Yuengling across the mid-Atlantic, etc).

Music is a Must

While it’s tempting to bring your ironic 80s cassette-only boom box, the other hipsters don’t have tapes. Try to get an iPod speaker set up so that everyone can participate in one-upping each other on the obscurity of their music. If you aren’t sure what sort of thing you should being to look impressive, check out this guest post from Sam Chase that gives an overview of hipster music.

Location, Location, Location

Backyards are fine as far as they go, but you can’t be seen in a backyard, and you can’t tweet about how awesome you are for barbequing in one. A much better option is to find a visible front porch in a very cool neighborhood, an abandoned parking lot, or just a street corner somewhere.

What Do Hipsters Eat?

Well, cocaine, obviously, but you can’t exactly grill that. Because you will probably have a lot of vegans and vegetarians and such, make sure you’ve got plenty of grillable veggies (peppers, asparagus, maybe even some tofu). Gourmet chicken sausages are a good look and can be sufficiently snobby. Burgers might be too all-American for some of your hipster friends, so you might opt for some steaks. Luckily, most hipsters foodie credentials are seriously questionable, so you can get away with a grass-fed Porterhouse for yourself and whatever’s on sale for everyone else (just tell them it’s organic and they’ll love it).