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In terms of club geography, the DJ booth is second in importance only to the bar. It’s separated from the dancefloor for a reason: there is work going on here. Sadly, the sanctity of the booth is abused by both DJs and partygoers all too often. So, in consultation with a couple of working DJs, we present to you a few pointers on DJ booth etiquette.

A) For the DJs

Any working DJ knows that they need space to work. There needs to be a place to put your drink, your stuff needs to be secure, and you need to be able to mix. However much they bitch about it, though, most DJs are just as disrespectful of the booth setup as the guy who was on before them. Don’t leave your shit all over the place – you know it pisses you off, so why are you leaving four empty glasses there? Also, don’t take other people’s stuff. If the slipmats belong to the club, leave them there. Random cables lying around? Someone might have left them there last night. We all get too drunk to put our equipment away properly sometimes – wouldn’t you appreciate it if someone gave the club whatever you’d left behind? Common courtesy, people.

B) For the guests

1. THE DJ IS PLAYING MUSIC SO PEOPLE CAN GET DOWN.

If you’re standing around in the DJ booth, you are not getting down. Sometimes it is acceptable to chill in the booth all night: when the DJ is your only friend at the party and you specifically came to the party to keep him/her company. Otherwise, the booth is a separate area for a reason – like we mentioned in the first paragraph, it’s a space to work. And seriously, people, you do not look cool because you’re awkwardly standing around trainspotting. You look much cooler if you say hey to the DJ then get the fuck onto the floor and bust some moves.

2. Doing drugs in the DJ booth is a time-honored club tradition. The DJ is not going to mind if you abuse their space in order to consume drugs… just make sure you offer the DJ the first line/hit. It’s a respect thing; you’re saying “thanks for letting me use your space and for the music you’re playing.”

3. Request blocking is a duty if you are hanging out in the booth. The DJ is working, and you’re sort of in the way even if you’re invited. So, pitch in for the sake of the party and stop drunk Becky when she tries to request Journey for the third time.

4. Don’t fuck up the equipment. There are cords and buttons and computers and all that back in the booth – you don’t want to be that asshole who trips over the cables and kills the music. Be careful.

5. Grinding on the DJ is permitted and, usually, encouraged.

While getting married is a time-honored tradition of Becky and Chad, sometimes hipsters like to do it, too. If you want to get married like a hipster, there are some things you must be very careful about to ensure your wedding doesn’t get mistaken for one of those boring mainstream events.

1. The Dress

Ladies, don’t deny it: at one time or another, every girl has imagined what her ideal wedding dress would look like. Usually it’s a princessy confection that makes the bride look like the cake; this is exactly what one wants to avoid when getting married like a hipster. Instead, vintage designer is the theme of choice. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend who’s an edgy edgy fashionista, ask him or her to make the dress for you as your wedding present.

2. The Ceremony

Hipsters in church is just silly, so that’s out. For a venue, look for a park or maybe even your favorite bar. You’re going to want a non-religious ceremony, and if you have a friend who’s an aspiring actor, convince them to perform the ceremony for you. (They’ll have to apply to be a Justice of the Peace, but the World Unification Church of New Agey Free Love has openings available). Write your own vows, obviously, and collect bonus points by making them as ironic and sarcastic as possible.

3. The Dinner

Having a formal sit-down dinner with name cards and salad forks is way too traditional. Hipsters don’t need that bs! A barbeque is the superior choice (and if you need advice on grilling like a hipster, check this out). If that’s too casual for your taste, try a catered buffet from your favorite vegan or pho restaurant. For the bar, make sure you offer complimentary PBR and Sparks or you might have a hipster riot on your hands.

4. The Cake

Like the dress, you want to avoid pretty and princessy here. Cake topped with a miniature statuette of the couple is a sappy and heavily-used prop in mainstream weddings, making it the antithesis of the hipster wedding. Have you ever seen the Edukatorz-approved show “The Ace of Cakes?” Look for a craft bakery like that, and make the wedding cake unique/relevant to you and your impending spouse’s interests.

5. The Music

This is without doubt the most important part of a hipster wedding. Your first dance should be to a song by the band that was playing at the show when you met. If you’re an indie rock sort of hipster, the groom’s roommate’s band should obviously be playing. If you’re more of the electro sort of hipster, get the coolest/most pretentious local DJ you can who will call you a “very close friend” because you’ve been to his parties for years. Avoid corporate DJs at all costs! Remember, the band v DJ choice doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. All the more fun if they have beef and cause a dramatic scene!