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So, don’t get us wrong. We are not actually writing more frequently or anything. We just decided that since we’re 10 months into this blog, there are some very important edukational gems that might get overlooked by new readers, or ones that old readers should be reminded of. In that spirit, we’ll be re-posting old posts on Sundays, and hopefully providing your cranky Monday-morning brain with that much more internet distraction. Enjoy!

Hipsters are the Opposite of Ninjas
If you think like the Edukatorz, a conundrum that has occupied a lot of thinking time is the question of the opposite of the ninja. Luckily, we Edukatorz are great thinkers, and have discovered the answer: the opposite of ninja is hipster.

Hipsters Dress Flamboyantly

Hipsters wear way too much neon to dress anything like a ninja. While a ninja needs to wear dark clothing to blend in, a hipster dresses him/herself with the opposite intention: to stand out. Further, a typical hipster outfit includes skinny jeans or leggings. Clearly, there is not enough room to hide shuriken in such an outfit.

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Meh, we’re late, shocking. Check out this awesome video from The Grand Spectacular (via Boing Boing). We’re going to go ahead and say The Grand Spectacular is doing it right.

Our intrepid Bunsen is currently MIA so you’ll have to wait for your hit of Frisco Friday. We’re going old school and doing another Hipster Friday. It’s Labor Day weekend and the entire nation is having end of summer parties. Hipsters are no different, though the end of summer is more poignant for them. It represents the end of frolicking in the park doing nothing, bbq’s and jorts. It’s also a sad reminder their childhood is over and there’s no going back to school for them; the end of summer is no longer the end of carefree days like it once was, but a stark reminder of their adulthood and adult responsibilities that they ignore. Anyway, this is how you throw a Hipster Labor Day Party.

1) BBQ, Duh

I’m pretty sure you get your citizenship taken away if you don’t BBQ or at least picnic on Labor Day. Obviously you have to bbq like a hipster. Make sure to stock up on PBR, end of summer tunes (we recommend Best Coast and the Wavves).

2) Celebrate Labor History

This can actually go two ways. Most hipsters are not actually smart or knowledgeable, but like to think they are so they won’t actually connect Labor Day with celebrating the labor movement. The ones who are smart or knowledgeable are probably smug assholes about celebrating the labor movement. Placate both and make sure to drink only union- made beer. Fortunately PBR is Union made so you’re in the clear.

3) Dress Code

Everyone has to be in jorts or a sundress, gender doesn’t matter. This isn’t negotiable.

We decided to bring Hipster Friday back to you as a little treat while Beaker is off missing again. Alas, if you have hipster music sensibilities and enjoy live music you’re probably going to end up at a show with hipsters. Fear not, it’s actually not that bad and we like to think that hipsters somehow add to the experience.

1) B.O.

Hipsters have notoriously bad hygiene, expect a lot of body odor when you’re at a show. Note: It is considered impolite to offer deodorant.

2) Long Line For the Bathroom

Hipsters love their illegal substances, especially cocaine. Expect a long line for the bathroom while some hipsters do coke in the bathroom stall with their friends. Also, don’t be surprised if someone tries to sell you drugs while you’re in the bathroom.

3) Bartenders

Hipsters are poor because they don’t have real jobs or “creatives” hence they are poor tippers.* You can use this to your advantage to get excellent service all night. Simply don’t be a dick and tip your bartender well** and you will be handsomely rewarded with excellent service and the PBR and whiskey shall flow like water for you.

4) Judginess

You’re going to be judged no matter what since you’re not a hipster. Get over it and enjoy the show.

*Oddly this is even MORE the case with trustfunders – they’re the cheapest.
**You should be doing this anyway.

It’s summertime (shut-up Summer Solstice) and for many that means camping/hiking or doing something of the sort outdoors. Hipsters are not immune to the call of the wild/outdoor music festival and will also make the weekend (or weekday if they’re unemployed) trek out to go camping or hiking. Instead of stocking up at REI or “roughing” it like other people do, hipsters put their own little spin on the camping.

1) Outdoor Music Festivals

When Bonarro or the Reading Music Festival roll around you will most likely find a sea of hipsters “camping.” Why rent a hotel room when you can keep the party going all night long?* While hipsters will bring sleeping bags (and occasionally tents) with them to sleep in, the emphasis isn’t on sleeping outside, but on continuing the party, thus they bring copious amounts of alcohol and drugs.

2) Call of the Wild

These hipsters are truly roughing it. They may have recently read On the Road or Into the Wild and they want to test their mettle in the great outdoors. They think camping will help them creatively and that they will “find” themselves. Alas, these hipsters are the least able to handle camping and end up clawing their way back to civilization half-starved and melancholy. But when they get back into a city they’ll totally tell a different story of “finding” themselves.

3) Parents Cabin

Most hipsters are in truth trustafarians and thus live off of their parents teet. Many of the rich thus have weird chi-chi hunting lodges or summer homes. While this technically isn’t roughing it or even really camping a trustafarian hipster will tell you it is. Usually this sort of hipster will then go on a diatribe about how they hate their parents and then wreck the house.

* We actually 100% approve of this.

Hipsters also read Vonnegut, but I don't want to sully his good name.

It’s springtime and there’s nothing better to do than go outside and enjoy the great weather before it gets sweltering hot (at least in DC). We already know what hipsters like to wear in the Spring and how they bbq, but they also enjoy hanging out in the park.

Public Drinking/Smoking/Other Substance Abuse

Hipsters love drinking, smoking and other substance abuse. There is no reason that they will discontinue doing any of those things just because they’re hanging out in a park in the springtime. In order to facilitate their public drinking they may go with the brazen ironic hobo paper bag or they may wimp out and just put their booze in a waterbottle or diet coke can.

Reading

Hipsters love to think that they are smarter than everyone else and what better way to prove that they’re smart then by reading a book in the park. You won’t catch a hipster reading Dan Brown’s latest novel, they think that’s for rubes. Instead you’ll see them reading either the latest pretentious book by Jonathan Safran Foer, a book by one of the Beats like Kerouac or Burroughs or a tome by Goethe or Proust.

Photography

Hipsters also like to pretend that they’re “artist.” Hipsters can take pictures of “nature” while in the park without ever having to actually leave the city or get up before noon.

Hating

What better way to enjoy a delightful Spring day then by hating? Hipsters enjoy gathering in the park to hate on all the non-hipsters enjoying the weather.

Our good friend RosanneMF was trying to convince one of her friends that he was in fact a hipster and he didn’t believer her. The result of their disagreement this quiz that she’s been nice enough to share with us. Follow her on the Twitters at @RosanneMF and take this quiz to figure out whether or not you’re a hipster.

We’ve discussed hipsters’ love of horrendous multi-colored sweaters before, but we haven’t really delved into the source of this fascination. Little to hipsters realize: they are following in the footsteps of the late, great, Notorious BIG.

From Jesus pieces to staying “Gucci down to the socks,” Biggie took his over-the-top fashion seriously and brought flamboyancy in hip hop culture to new levels. One of his most important contributions to 90s fashion was bringing the Coogi sweater into the limelight. Coogi, for the uninitiated, is a high-end clothing line that pre-Biggie was pretty much only found on golf courses. Their multicolored crew-neck sweaters became a necessary component to any fly boy’s wardrobe in the mid-90s. The flashier and more-ridiculous, the better.

Today, hipsters take a similar philosophical approach to their sweater selections. Whether they feature reindeer, robots, or just awkward neon patterns, the more insane the better. It’s about drawing attention and having the balls to pull off something that appallingly ugly.

Now that we’ve drawn the connection, who’s ready to bring back the Coogi?

Who knew that Hipsters and Patrick Bateman would have so much in common?* For those of you who have been living underneath a rock forever Patrick Bateman is the main character in Brett Easton Ellis’s masterpiece American Psycho. For those of you who don’t read** there is a pretty good movie adaptation staring Christian Bale. Both the book and the movie are Edukatorz approved for sure and you should check them out post-haste.

For those of you too lazy to click the links above, Patrick Bateman’s character in American Psycho is basically just a yuppie serial killer.***

While there are many differences between Patrick Bateman and hipsters (for instance Patrick Bateman has a real job, hipsters do not), there are an eery number of similarities.

Narcissism

Both Bateman and hipsters are incredibly narcissistic. Bateman has a huge ego and believes that he is better than everyone else in his social circle and believes that others should recognize that. Hipsters also have a delusional belief that they are better than those in their social circle and beyond and believe people should care about their “art” or whatever it is they’re doing. While Bateman manifested his narcissism through killing people, hipsters choose to just whine.

Obsessed With Music

Both hipsters and Bateman are obsessed with music and knowing all of the minutia related to their favorite bands. While Bateman can talk endlessly about Genesis or Huey Lewis and the News, hipsters choose to discuss the latest Pitchfork-crazed band.

Substance Abuse

Both Bateman and hipsters abuse drugs like Xanax and cocaine like it’s their job. The similarities in the types of drugs both use is actually kind of eerie. While hipsters prefer lower grade alcohol to the fancy stuff Bateman usually gets, both also drink like fishes.

Sexual Promiscuity

Bateman loves banging prostitutes and society hussies. While hipsters cannot afford prostitutes and do not (usually) have access to society hussies, they also will bang people at any given opportunity.

And then there’s the video below…hipster meets Patrick Bateman. Whoa. (NSFW)

Check out the rest of Miles Fisher’s work here.

*Actually, this is not that surprising.
** LAME!
*** There is some debate as to whether or not he actually kills anyone in the book.

Spring fever and love (or just lust) is in the air and hipsters are no exception. While we get down to the basics for everyone else here on Edukatorz with Make Out Mondays, hipsters have their own unique mating habits. When observing hipsters in the wild you’ll notice that hipsters pair (or more) off in ways that would not work for the world at large.

First thing’s first, hipsters don’t date. Dating implies commitment and hipsters can’t commit to anything. Instead of dating they just “hang out”.

Hanging out implies any situation where the two people in question are interacting. This includes seeing someone at a club, running into them at a coffee shop or bumping into them at the bar. To hang out with someone does not necessarily mean to hang out with said person exclusively or intentionally.

As a hipster starts to court his/her mate the hanging out will progress to a point where it seems like they’re going on a date, but there is no firm commitment and said “date” may or may not happen. For example a hipster may ask someone to go to a concert with him/her with no overt romantic intentions while romance is implied. Hipsters can’t handle rejection at all so by not actually asking someone out on a date they are saving themselves from possible rejection.

As the “relationship” progresses the two people will hang out more and more to the point that you will see them together all the time. The two people will at that point cease having casual sex* with others as they had before and be somewhat monogamous.

You know a hipster “relationship” is real when the two individuals begin participating in each others art forms. This includes mixing beats together, taking pictures together, posing for each other’s paintings, etc.

* A note on sexual relations. Hipsters generally either “hook-up” with random friends that they are hanging out with or go through the above dance when pursuing a “relationship.” The ultimate purpose of a “relationship” for hipsters is not just sexual fulfillment since most hipsters end up getting their fair share of casual sex via social lubricants, but psychic fulfillment as well (yes hipsters are human too). The hipster “hook-up” culture is rife with internal politics and will be discussed at a later date.