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Our intrepid Bunsen is currently MIA so you’ll have to wait for your hit of Frisco Friday. We’re going old school and doing another Hipster Friday. It’s Labor Day weekend and the entire nation is having end of summer parties. Hipsters are no different, though the end of summer is more poignant for them. It represents the end of frolicking in the park doing nothing, bbq’s and jorts. It’s also a sad reminder their childhood is over and there’s no going back to school for them; the end of summer is no longer the end of carefree days like it once was, but a stark reminder of their adulthood and adult responsibilities that they ignore. Anyway, this is how you throw a Hipster Labor Day Party.

1) BBQ, Duh

I’m pretty sure you get your citizenship taken away if you don’t BBQ or at least picnic on Labor Day. Obviously you have to bbq like a hipster. Make sure to stock up on PBR, end of summer tunes (we recommend Best Coast and the Wavves).

2) Celebrate Labor History

This can actually go two ways. Most hipsters are not actually smart or knowledgeable, but like to think they are so they won’t actually connect Labor Day with celebrating the labor movement. The ones who are smart or knowledgeable are probably smug assholes about celebrating the labor movement. Placate both and make sure to drink only union- made beer. Fortunately PBR is Union made so you’re in the clear.

3) Dress Code

Everyone has to be in jorts or a sundress, gender doesn’t matter. This isn’t negotiable.

Spring is upon us (shut-up Vernal Equinox) and that means shorts weather. While Becky and Chad are taking out their khaki shorts and popping their polo shirts, hipsters are already prepared with their jorts. Jorts, aka jean shorts for those not in the know, are the only type of short self-respecting hipsters will wear.

Though it was once popular way back in the 1990s to wear long jorts (even down to your knees!), hipsters will only wear short jorts – this applies to both male and female hipsters. Female hipsters never call their jorts “Daisy Dukes” even if they actually are short enough to be “Daisy Dukes.”

These are hipsters in jorts.

While one can buy jorts, the proper hipster way to wear jorts is to make them yourself. If you too want to make your own jorts follow the instructions below and your legs will be feeling the sweet breeze of freedom in no time.

How To Make Jorts

1. Take a pair of old jeans you’ve either ruined or bought at the thrift store, preferably really skinny jeans and turn them inside out.

2. Take a marker and draw on the jeans where you are going to cut them. Make sure they’re as short as you’re comfortable with and then maybe make them a little shorter.

3. Following the lines you drew with your marker cut the legs off of your jeans. Try to get the edges as frayed as possible.

4. Turn them right side out and make sure the shorts are even. If they aren’t cut them a little shorter. Try them on, you now have jorts.